Mother's Day Without Mom
/Every Mother's Day reminds me of a broken piece in my heart.
I lost my mom in 2000. I have missed her every day since.
I don't think you ever get over losing your mother. You don't get past it or around it. You only get through it. Sometimes the memories are warm and abiding. At other times, the loss sweeps over me in waves and I yearn to see her shy smile again, if only for a moment.
I can still envision it in my mind's eye, but it's just not the same. It will never be the same.
After she died, I tried to put my feelings into words. At first, I wrote a story about her. That story later became a poem. The poem became a video recently, but I wasn't completely happy with it, so I did it again. And again.
Maybe I've reworked it so many times as a way to hold onto the memory. It's firmly implanted now, so I am content to let it just be at this point--to move on to other stories and other memories of who she was and who I am because of her.
So, Mom, this is the final version of this chapter in the story of you. There are so many others to revisit. It's time to let this one be, just as it is.
How did this poem come to be?
Her passing created a void in my life. It's a hard loss to overcome--a wound that's difficult to heal. I've learned to cope through my connection to those who loved her just as much as I did and through telling her story--and my own.
My heart has always sought a pen and paper when I'm overcome with grief. These days it seeks a keyboard. Writing in the way that's natural to me is a balm for my sometimes-weary soul. It's part of my own journey to heal.
Where to find inspiration for writing to heal
More often than not, I will write a poem that tells the story I want to express. I often use a familiar reference to tie it into a theme. Sometimes it's a children's story or a fairy tale. I've used song lyrics, too, or classical literature references because that's my educational background.
Usually, though, it's a single moment in time, a symbolic image, or simply a line that goes through my head repeatedly that ends up inspiring me. I'm never sure where it comes from. It's just there, waiting to land on a page in its own way.
When it came to my mom, the image was a lavender rose. That was my inspiration for the story, for the poem, and now for the video.
Blessings to all who have lost their moms, today and every day. I hope my own experience gives a little comfort to whatever broken pieces might still be in your heart after a loss.
What ways have you found to cope with the loss of someone dear to your heart?
